Corn Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about.
1) Can you cry under water?
2) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3) What disease did cured ham actually have?
4) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
5) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
6) Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
7) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
8) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
9) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a stupid song about him?
10) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
11) Why do people point to their wrist when more...

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about;
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on more...

20 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmate

------------------------------------------

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,' May I borrow a highlighter?'

2. Say,' Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.'

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say,' Damn, this water's cold.'

5. Drop a marble and say,' Oh shit! My glass eye!'

6. Say,' Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.'

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say,' Now how did that get there?'

9. Say,' Humus. Reminds me of humus.'

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,' Whoa! Easy boy!'

11. Say,' Interesting... more floaters more...

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."
"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."

Martha Stewart vs Me...

Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.

Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?

Martha's more...

Two farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the other, "Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?" The second farmer replies,"No I ain't." The first farmer says, "Yeah, it's a big yielding variety. The stalk don't grow too big, but the ears are tremendous!"

In President Bush's State of the Union address he called for greater production of ethanol using America's corn. This, however, is expected to drastically raise the price of corn liquor.






Which has got some folks a might sore