Connie Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cold Cream

    Hot 3 months ago

    Little Connie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

    "Why do you do that, Mom?"

    "To make myself beautiful," she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue.

    "What's the matter?" Connie started. "Giving up?"

    A man observed a woman in a supermarket with a little girl seated in her shopping cart. As they passed the bakery section, the little girl asked for a cookie and her mother told her, "No!"
    The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said calmly, "Now, Connie, we just have half of the aisles left to go through, so don't be upset. It won't be long now."
    They soon came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to yell for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "Now, now, Connie, don't cry... only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
    When they finally got to the checkout, the little girl immediately began to reach for the gum. When she was told there wouldn't be any gum purchased, she burst into a terrible tantrum. The mother said serenely, "Connie, we'll be through the checkout in a few minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
    The more...

    Dear Connie,
    I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait any more. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.
    In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad any more. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.
    Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
    even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Raffles and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to more...

    what do you call a cow that drives a bus?
    mrs. connie!

    Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?"He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit."

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