Congressional Jokes

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO! It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10, 000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents. The Clintons charge the Federal government $10, 000 monthly rent for the use of that extra more...

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you`re paying too much for the AT T virus. Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It`ll be back.
Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Texas virus:
Makes sure that it`s bigger than any more...

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.
If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!
It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.
Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10, 000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.
The Clintons charge the Federal government $10, 000 monthly rent for the use more...

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. ATnT virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the ATnT virus. Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of more...

NEW VIRUS ALERT... immediately scan your computer for the following
viruses!
Pat Buchanan Virus:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about
foreign software.
Colin Powell Virus:
Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
Hillary Clinton Virus:Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
year later; in another directory.
O.J. Simpson Virus:You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but
you just can't prove it.
Bob Dole Virus:Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be
much of a threat.
Steve Forbes Virus:All files reported as the same size.
Paul Revere Virus:This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Politically Correct Virus:Never identifies itself as a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Ross Perot Virus:Activates every component in your more...