Comrade Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Comrade Stalin

    Hot 5 days ago

    Lenin is dying, and talking things over with Stalin, his
    successor.
    "The one worry I have," says Lenin, "is this: will the people
    follow you? What do you think, comrade Stalin?"
    "They will," says Stalin, "they surely will."
    "I hope so," says Lenin, "but what if they don't follow you?"
    "No problem," says Stalin, "then they'll follow you."

    Secret Policeman's Ball

    Hot 4 years ago

    From London Times via Car and Driver:
    Comrade Gorbachev is being driven from his dacha to Moscow and
    is in a hurry. He is getting irritated with the slowness of his
    driver. "Can't you go any faster?" he says angrily. "I have to
    obey the speed limits," says the driver.
    Finally Gorbachev
    orders the driver into the back and takes the wheel. Sure
    enough a patrol car soon pulls them over. The senior officer
    orders the junior to go write up the ticket. But the junior
    officer comes back and says he can't give them a ticket, the
    person in the car is too important.
    "Well, who is it?" the senior officer asks.
    "I didn't recognize him," says the junior
    officer, "but Comrade Gorbachev is his chauffeur."
    Raj Wall
    Texas Instruments

    At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?" "Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. "And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. "The likelihood is that it will be China." The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?" "Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time." "But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have more...

    A russian couple are walking in russia and the man says i have just felt a spot of rain on my nose and the lady says it isnt rain its snow they start a arguement about if it was raining or snowing a russian guard comes and the man says comrade rudolph is it raining or snowing comrade rudolph says it is raining the lady continues to argue and the man says rudolph the red knows rain dear.

    A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife."No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

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