Commercial Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FORCover charge: $15. 00 Round of drinks: $23. 00 Table dance: $30. 00 Another round of drinks: $23. 00 Couch dance and tips: $50. 00 A round of shots: $34. 00 A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125. 00 Private dance in your hotel room: $300. 00 Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: PricelessFor everthing else.... There's MasterCard

In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian
Kernighan admitted that the Unix operating system and C programming language created by them is an
elaborate prank kept alive for over 20 years. Speaking at the recent UnixWorld Software Development
Forum, Thompson revealed the following:
"In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their work with the GE/Honeywell/AT&T Multics project. Brian and I
had started work with an early release of Pascal from Professor Niklaus Wirth's ETH labs in
Switzerland and we were impressed with its elegant simplicity and power. Dennis had just finished
reading' Bored of the Rings', a National Lampoon parody of the Tolkien's' Lord of the Rings' trilogy.
As a lark, we decided to do parodies of the Multics environment and Pascal. Dennis and I were
responsible for the operating environment. We looked at Multics and designed the new OS to be as
complex and cryptic as more...

Q: What is the Information Superhighway?
A: It's just like the internet, except:
it's a lot more expensive.
you can't post and there's no killfile.
there's no alt.sex.* or alt.drugs
rec.humor.funny has a laugh track.
there's a commercial break every 10 minutes.
everything is formatted to 40 columns for TV's.
the free software costs you $2.00/megabyte to ftp, more for long distance.
A: It's just like cable TV, except:
it's a lot more expensive.
the picture isn't as good.
there's 500 channels of Pay-per-View and home-shopping.
you can watch any episode of Gilligan's Island or any Al Gore speech for only $2.00.
no public access channels.
there's a commercial break every 10 minutes.
A: It's just like renting videos, except:
it's a lot more expensive.
there's only 1/100th as many to choose from.
no porno.
there's no pause, fast-forward, or rewind, and it costs
you another $3.95 if you want to watch more...

Time-Life has been running a commercial recently hawking its book series
Mysteries of the Unknown. At one point in this commercial the narrator
describes an event at Stonehenge where a person "was grabbed by a terrifying
unseen force and held suspended in the air." I don't know about you, but
where I'm from, this is better known as a "wedgie."

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...

It's begun. And the Gap is to blame. They've got brightly-
dressed people having a snowball fight in a new commercial. To
the sound of "The Little Drummer Boy."

That would be the Christmas Carol, "The Little Drummer Boy. Not
the Week Before Thanksgiving Carol, mind you. And that means that
even though Christmas is, in a technical sense, more than five
weeks away, the annual bombardment of horrifyingly cheerful
Christmas music is on.

As I understand it, there was once a time when Christmas only
lasted one day. That had to end, though, so the Twelve Days of
Christmas song could get written. And without that song, how
could we have those hilarious parodies that are about to be
clogging up the airwaves? Of course, to be perfectly accurate,
it would have to be The Forty Days of Christmas now. Not that
I'm suggesting anything of the sort. Please don't write a new,
even longer version of more...