Coma Jokes / Recent Jokes

An expectant woman from Arkansas was involved in a car accident and while in hospital, slipped into a coma. Awaking days later, she noticed she was no longer carrying a child and asked the doctor what happened to her baby.
The doctor replied, "All is well. You've had twins. A beautiful baby girl and handsome baby boy. I should also tell you that since you were in a coma, your brother named the babies for you."
"No!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not all there if you know what I mean."
"Ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Well, that's kind of nice," the woman said, smiling. "What did he name my son?"
With a grin, the doctor replied, "Denephew!"

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

While the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when she started to wash her private area. She immediately notified the doctor who called the patient's husband, telling him to get to the hospital right away.
When the husband arrived, the doctor explained what had happened. "This may sound crazy," the doctor said, "but maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Although skeptical, the husband agreed that it was worth a try and entered his wife's room. A few minutes later the husband came out of his wife's room and announced that her monitor had flat-lined and she was dead.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"I think she choked!" replied the husband.

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.

When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, "The first one was a girl."

The mother: "What did you name her?!?"

Brother: "Denise!"

The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"

Brother: "The second one was a boy."

The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?"

Brother: more...

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a spongebath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.
They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines... no pulse... no heart rate.
The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.
"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid"
the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said: "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45."
"37" came the weak reply from Lena.

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!