Clueless Jokes

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him any more.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like it!

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Dear Abby:My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. To make matters worse, since he lost his job three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and BS with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter left home he doesn't even pretend to like me and he hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore - you're a United States Senator from New York now!

Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We haven't got a clue as to empathizing with another human being.
Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer.
Female bonding is another thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss, talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how clueless we men are.
Example from my marriage: Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television, and said "We have to talk." Being new to the married thing, and not knowing the ramifications of a "we have to talk" talk, I immediately turned the TV off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said "Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it."
This was, I thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should more...

TEENAGE ASIAN GANGSTERS Your car probably looks like this by now. Wears a Buddha bracelet on wrist. Start smoking cigarettes by the age of 13. Wear some really baggy pants with a white logo T-shirt. Have either the typical Asian haircut with long dyed bangs or some slicked back hair. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe. Kiss up to older gang members to increase rank. OLDER ASIAN GANGSTERS Sport a lot of gold jewelry to show off. Wear nice tight pants, with HK-Style See-Through Shirts. Been Smoking for at least 10 years. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe. Tell stories about glorious past to younger gangsters. Treat the teenagers good so they can introduce you to young virgin girls. Living at home with parents, still! Slick back hair, or just regular Asian haircut. Show off with guns and drugs which actually belong to someone else. Hang out in gambling dens and massage parlors, but never do anything but watch the other people. LEADERS OF ASIAN GANGS more...