Climbing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell
    Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
    Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down to the bare
    metal.
    Application programs are for dullards who can't do system programming.
    Real programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
    They are lucky to get any program at all.
    Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
    understand and even harder to modify.
    Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
    Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
    novice and the coward.
    Real programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
    Real programmers don't use more...

    Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
    As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Boilermaker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Purdue!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Wildcat threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Northwestern!" Seeing this, the Buckeye walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!!!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.

    You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
    gene pool the biggest service by killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily
    stupid way.
    The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top
    of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
    In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO (rocket) unit to his car
    and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the roadbed.
    And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the few Darwin winners to
    survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he
    graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
    Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to
    satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
    One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He more...

    Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn't let me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.
    You are invited to use it without charge...
    01) Beating around the bush
    02) Jumping to conclusions
    03) Climbing the walls
    04) Swallowing my pride
    05) Passing the buck
    06) Throwing my weight around
    07) Dragging my heels
    08) Pushing my luck
    09) Making Mountains out of molehills
    10) Hitting the nail on the head
    11) Wading through paperwork
    12) Bending over backwards
    13) Jumping on the bandwagon
    14) Balancing the books
    15) Running around in circles
    16) Eating crow
    17) Tooting my own horn
    18) Climbing the ladder of success
    19) Pulling out the stops
    20) Adding fuel to the fire
    21) Opening a can of worms
    22) Putting my foot in my mouth
    23) Starting the ball rolling
    24) Going over the more...

    Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.
    Beating around the bush................. 75
    Jumping to conclusions................. 100
    Climbing the walls..................... 150
    Swallowing your pride................... 50
    Passing the buck........................ 25
    Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)... 50-300
    Dragging your heels.................... 100
    Pushing your luck...................... 250
    Making mountains out of molehills...... 500
    Hitting the nail on the head............ 50
    Wading through paperwork............... 300
    Bending over backwards.................. 75
    Jumping on the bandwagon............... 200
    Balancing the books..................... 25
    Running around in circles.............. 350
    Eating crow............................ 225
    Tooting your own horn................... 25
    Climbing the ladder of more...

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