Cleared Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tim Tebow has been cleared to practice for the University of Florida. No word yet on when he'll be cleared to continue healing lepers and walking on water.

All of the following are said to be true stories.. . -- you decide! --

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained,' Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?' Without missing a beat the controller replied,' Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth.'

PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said' Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first.' The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high... San Jose Tower:' American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the more...

All believable, but un-verrified at this time.

22 November 1996 -- Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained,' Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?' Without missing a beat the controller replied,' Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!'

15 November 1996 -- What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said' Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first'. The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation!

8 November 1996 -- Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing roll out after landing with his Approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower:' American 751 Heavy, more...

The controller, working a busy pattern, told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

=====

Unknown Aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!".

Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!"

Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"

=====

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124. 7." (124. 7 would be the radio frequency for Departure Control).

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far more...

Pilot To Tower

Hot 4 months ago

LH741:"Tower, give me a rough timecheck!"
Tower: "It's tuesday, Sir."

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!

Tower: Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar more...

Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor? ------------------------------------------------ November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth." ------------------------------------------------ November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation. ------------------------------------------------ November 8, 1996 - more...

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124. 7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124. 7... did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."