Chris Jokes / Recent Jokes

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your
grandmother?" I asked."Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas.""How nice," I said. "Where does she live?""At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

Chris and Paul were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
"What's the matter?" asked Chris of his buddy. "You look kind of down."
"My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."

Chris asks his dad to explain the difference between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picks up the phone and dials a random number. When the phone is answered, he asks, "May I speak to Duane, please?"
"There's no Duane here," the person who answered the phone says.
His father hangs up. "That, son, is irritation," he says. He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Duane a second time.
"I told you, there's no Duane here!" shouted the person who answered the phone. "If you call here again, I will report you to the police!"
His father hangs up and says, "That, son, is aggravation."
"Then what's frustration, Dad," Chris asks.
His father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time. "Hi, this is Duane. Have there been any calls for me?" he asks casually.

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good." "Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to more...

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell, the wife answers. "Hi is Tony home?" "No he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" "No come in." They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You more...

Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who
should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting
up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had
to go up and say something to him.
"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business
these days?"
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his
face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.
"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I
can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just
gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for
good."
"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you
got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...."
"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow
gets more ornery as the more...

Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.