Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.
About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
(Written by Michael Wilson for the Oregonian, Sunday, July 29th, 2001)
Let's say you're an ape. You're hanging out, you've got cool boots with individual toes. Ape City swings. Your job keeps you in torches and horse food. your wife looks good in green, which is a bit of luck, since that's all the women wear.
You lips move funny when you talk, but whatever.
Then this... this THING shows up. he's like an ape, but not quite. He's practically hairless. Does he shave his body? Creepy freak.
Then he opens his mouth and speaks. And he sounds just like Charlton Heston. And he won't shut up. And that voice. And sorry, but you can't deal with that today. He calls you names. he goes off on your stinking paws." He disrespects your leather.
So you bounce his scrawny head off some walls. you clamp a collar on him and lean him around town. You and your boys put the fire hose on his non-hairy self.
Where, exactly, is the problem more...