Censored Jokes

Famous Peoples' Conjectures
On Why the Chicken Crossed the Road
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an
uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we
needed the eggs.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter more...

Darwin's Answer:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Another of Darwin's Answers:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
Johnny Cochran 's Answer:
Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.
Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.
Bill Cosby 's Answer:
Weeelll, ya see, the chicken crossed the road, and to get... to...the jello pudding pops.
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no more...

One day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw
recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches. “You dumb, censored, son of censored, censored, censored, ” screamed the sarge.
A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned, “Remember, Sarge, you're
in the New Army. No profanities. ”
The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit. “My goodness gracious, ” he said, “What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition? ”

Sarge & the new recruitsOne day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches.? You dumb, censored, son of censored, censored, censored,? screamed the sarge.A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned,? Remember, Sarge, you`re in the New Army. No profanities.?The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit.? My goodness gracious,? he said,? What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition??

One day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw
recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches. “You dumb, censored, son of censored, censored, censored,” screamed the sarge.A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned, “Remember, Sarge, you're
in the New Army. No profanities.”The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit. “My goodness gracious,” he said, “What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition?”