Celebrity Jokes / Recent Jokes
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is."Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground."What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger."Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman."They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger."Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"
Madonna Update:
Madonna told an interviewer that, in Chichewa, the language of Malawi, the word “Madonna” means “distinguished white lady.” Which is funny because, in English, Madonna means “pretentious white lady from Detroit who speaks in an inexplicable British accent.”
Madonna was on Oprah to defend her controversial adoption of a young African boy. She’s really getting crucified. Oh yeah, that’s her act.
When they air her concert, NBC will not show Madonna suspended from a giant cross and wearing a crown of thorns so as not to anger Christian groups. She was going to wear a turban with a bomb in it, but for some reason they vetoed that too.
The father of the African boy Madonna hopes to adopt says he's worried she’ll back out of the adoption because activist groups are giving her such a hard time. He now says the adoption will rescue his son from illness and starvation. Maybe Madonna should adopt Nicole more...
NO. 10
Tyson already has his next fight lined up, with Lorena Bobbitt. Winner eats all.
NO. 9
This gives new meaning to "box lunch."
NO. 8
Reporter: "Evander, what did you think when Tyson bit off your ear?" Holyfield: "What?"
NO. 7
Spock-vs.-Tyson bout hastily canceled - John Corl, Rochester, N.Y.
NO. 6
What did Mike Tyson say to Van Gogh? "You gonna eat that?"
NO. 5
Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson computer? It has two bytes and no memory
NO. 4
Next bout: Tyson vs. Hannibal Lecter, with Julia Child to referee. To be held in Hungary. Billed as, "The snackfest in Budapest."
NO. 3
How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica? Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears. Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.
NO. 2
Slogans for Tys * The T * Da * * Ear-Reconcilable Differences
NO. 1
When interviewed after the fight, Tyson's first remarks were that more...
Paris Hilton pushes her BMW into a gas station and tells the mechanic the car just died. After he works on it for a few minutes, the car is idling smoothly. She asks, "What was the problem with the car?" The mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"