Catfish Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: How do you kill 4000 lawyers?
    A: You build a new Titanic and declare it cannot sink.
    Q: What's the strongest argument against both theories of origin?
    A: Politicians and lawyers. Who in their right mind would create (or evolve into) these species?
    Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
    Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
    A: Never enough.
    Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
    A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
    Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
    A: An offer you can't understand.
    Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
    A: A lobotomy.
    Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
    A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
    Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a more...

    * If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

    * The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet.

    * Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

    * On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

    * The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

    * It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

    * You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

    * Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

    * Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

    * Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?

    * Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

    * In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows more...

    Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
    A: You don’t know how? Good!

    Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
    A: In the cemetary.

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
    A: A boxing referee doesn’t get paid extra for a longer fight.

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
    A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?
    A: The lawyer charges more.

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
    A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a computer nerd?
    A: Sooner or later everyone needs a lawyer.

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
    A: One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a catfish.

    Q: What’s the difference between more...

    Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish...

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
    A boxing referee doesn't get paid extra for a longer fight.
    What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
    When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
    What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?
    The lawyer charges more.
    What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
    You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
    What's the difference between a lawyer and a computer nerd?
    Sooner or later everyone needs a lawyer.
    What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
    One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a catfish.
    What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
    There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
    What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
    A hooker will stop screwing you after you are dead.
    What's the difference between a more...

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