Cars Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
A: At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 10,000 miles, whichever came first.
travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
have a much tighter turning cycle.
can take ramps at three times the speed of private cars.
don't need battery, oil, water or tyre pressures checking.
have floors shaped like an ashtray.
only burn petrol with the highest Green Shield stamp rate.
do not need garaging at night.
can be driven for up to 100 miles with the oil warning light flashing.
need cleaning less often, especially inside.
have stronger suspensions to carry concrete slabs or other heavy building materials.
are adapted to allow reverse gear to be engaged whilst the car is still moving forwards.
have improved tyre walls to allow bumping into and over high kerb stones.
have good adjustable radio volume controls to eliminate unusual and alarming engine noises.
don't need securing. They can be left anywhere unlocked and with the keys in the more...
General Motors and Segway Inc. announced this week that they are working together to develop a two-wheeled, two seat, electric vehicle that is designed to be a fast, safe, inexpensive, and clean alternative to cars and trucks. General Motors is hoping that the vehicle is the beginning of reinventing the company to begin turning a profit and pay back the government loans that have been keeping the company afloat. There is no timetable for when the cars will become available, but the price has been set at $2 billion dollars each.
Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
Dr M were meeting the other Asean leaders in KL. As the Proton (Wira and Perdana) sales were not going too well, he took the opportunity to do some hard sell to these guys. Dr M:' President Suharto, how many Protons will you be able to buy?' Suh.:' 2000 is not a problem.' Dr M (very happy):' Thanks. President Ramos, how about you?' Ramos:' Deliver 5000 to Philippines next week.' Dr M:' Thanks for the support.' Sultan Bolkiah (determined not to be outdone):' Brunei roads can well afford another 10, 000 Protons. Send them over next month.' Dr M by now is very pleased that his hard sell is doing so well. Finally he turned to Goh Chok Tong. Dr M:' Mr Goh, how about you?' Goh:' I will take 500 cars, but with the special condition that they be painted in pink.' Dr M:' That is not a problem. But I wonder, why choose pink when we have so many other nice colors?' Goh:' That's because I have to find 500 suckers.'
- You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
- You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
- You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
- You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
- There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. ''Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,'' she spoke wisely. ''I agree completely, ma'am,'' the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. ''This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.'' ''That's a great idea, miss,'' the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. ''I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?'' ''No, thanks,'' came the reply. ''I'll just wait on the cops to get here.''