Carpenter Jokes / Recent Jokes
A priest, a carpenter, and an army man all go up in a plane. The priest says lets all throw something out the window. So the priest starts by throwing a bible out the window. Then the carpenter throws a hammer out the window. Then the army man decides to throw a gernade out the window.
After they throw everything out window the priest goes down to see what happened. He goes up to a kid that is crying and asks him what happened. He says a bible fell down and hit him. Then the priest goes up to another kid thats crying and he asks what happend. The kid says a bible hit him. Then the priest goes up to an old man sitting in a lawn chair laughing and asks what happened.
The grandpa says I just farted and the building behind me blew up!
The wedding date was set and three of the groom's best friends, a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist, were deciding what pranks they would play on the couple on their wedding night.
The carpenter decided that sawing the slats off their bed would give them a couple of laughs.
The electrician decided that wiring their bed with alternating current would be worth a chuckle or two.
The dentist wouldn't reveal what he had done, but wore a sly grin and promised that his prank would be a memorable one.
The wedding went as planned and a few days later, each of the groom's three friends receive a letter which read:
Dear Friends,
We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed and the electric shock was merely a minor setback. But, I am going to strangle the wise guy who put the novocaine in the vaseline!
A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50-story building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off. A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, ''Hey, you on the street, can you see my ear down there?'' The guy on the street picks up an ear saying, ''Is this it?'' ''No,'' was the reply from the blonde carpenter, ''mine had a pencil behind it.''
What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter? One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
An Italian walks into a bar with a bad knee and notices a guy sitting at the end of the bar. He walks the bartender who it was. The bartender told him it was Jesus. The Italian ordered a drink for himself and Jesus. Next, a carpenter walks in. He asked if that was Jesus. He then ordered a drink for himself and for Jesus. Finally, a redneck walks in and orders a drink for himself and Jesus. A few minutes later, Jesus gets up and goes to the Italian. He thanked him for his generosity and healed him. Jesus walked over to the carpenter, thanked him, and healed him. Then, he walked over to the redneck. The redneck jumped up and shouted," Don't heal me, I'm on disability!"
The wedding date was set and the grooms three pals- a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist- were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.
The carpenter decided that he would saw the slats off their bed.
The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would give them a few chuckles.
The dentist would not tell what he had done, but wore a sly grin and swore that it would be memorable.
The wedding and reception went as planned.
A few days later, each of the groom's three friends received a letter saying the following: "Dear friends, we did not mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback but I swear to God Almighty, I am going to kill the mother fucker that put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly."
And God Created The Woman
He was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect.
He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments.
The Carpenter says: "Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks"
Then the Tailor says: "Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them." God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks"
Then the Architect says: "Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room"