Candidate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Senator Ted Kennedy made a speech the other day endorsing Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

 
When candidate Hillary Clinton was asked how this would affect her relationship with Kennedy in the Senate she said, "We'll drive over that bridge when we come to it."

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling*
"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:
*Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph,"sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down more...

Job Interview Quotations Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. Candidate fell and broke arm during interview. Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office. Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico. Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece. Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on more...

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.*Ting-a-ling*"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:*Ting-a-ling*"Joseph, Joseph,"sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down against his body. No response. Finally, more...

Job Interview Quotations:
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.
A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
An interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
A candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.
A candidate explained that one of her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
A candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
An applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
An more...

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the
Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy
Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them
to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer
costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first
candidate.
*Ting-a-ling*
"Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed
in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and
pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate,
slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil
drops:
*Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable
to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower
and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the more...

Three young Irish candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: the Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis. In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* "Oh, Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go now and take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."
The candidate leaves.
The dancer continues, dancing around the second candidate, slowly peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling*
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."
The dancer continues, dancing naked in front of the final candidate. Nothing. She writhes up and down more...