Byte Jokes / Recent Jokes
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language. The historic vote on Geekonics -- a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" -- came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language." This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics." No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with more...
GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language."This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics."No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with all more...
If Microsoft was jewish. .. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Ferklempt". "Year 2000" issues are replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Dreidels". Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - You're killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!". When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's tuchis". Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!". Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right more...
From "Machine Design" Magazine.
. .... Byte Bat
All too often, computers aren't up when you need them, or some sort of system error costs you a lot of time and effort. Hitting a computer or terminal with anything substantial can be satisfying, but expensive. That's where the Byte Bat comes in.
It is a foam rubber baseball bat, 17 in. long, that may give you a harmless but satisfying way in which to "strike back" at computers.
Specially designed to serve as a frustration shunt, the Byte Bat is compatible with all computers and operating systems, making it the first universally compatible foamware. Each Byte Bat comes with a complete user's manual, one genuine "Byte Bat User Button," one multi-color poster showing the device in use, and a warning decal that advises all who approach that "This computer-friendly liveware is protected by Byte Bat."
1. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Verklemmt". 2. When you fill up your "C-drive", you will get a "Hard Drive is Schtopped" message. 3. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Draydles". 4. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. 5. CD-ROM's would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high compression DVB's (digital video bagels). 6. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button. 7. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already You're killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!". 8. When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's toukhes" 9. Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!" 10. During Passover, your PC would more...