Bumper Sticker Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Be Kind

    Hot 5 years ago


    Adults are just kids who owe money.

    Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

    I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

    You! Off my planet!

    Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

    A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

    A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

    If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

    Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

    I'm just driving this way to get you mad.
    Keep honking, I'm reloading.

    Hang up and drive.

    Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

    Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.

    If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of

    Ambivalent? Well yes and no....

    Does your train of thought have a caboose?

    Is it time for your medication or mine?

    I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck

    How do I set the laser printer to stun?

    I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....

    Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

    Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

    I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

    And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be. ..?

    Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

    Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

    Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

    Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

    Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    Be nice to your kids... They will pick out your nursing home.

    Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.

    As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

    Eschew obfuscation. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
    Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

    Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.

    Editing is a rewording activity.

    Make yourself at home. .... clean my kitchen

    Allow me to introduce my selves

    Better living through denial

    I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

    Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

    Too many freaks not enough circuses

    Humor: More Bumper Stickers
    1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
    2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
    3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
    4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
    5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
    6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
    7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
    8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
    9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
    10. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.
    11. If At First You Don't Succeed... blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
    12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
    13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
    14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
    15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
    16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
    17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To more...

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