Bullshit Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

    "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference."

    A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless.

    "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

    "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't make any sense.

    "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.

    "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

    "IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once.

    "IN CASE AFTER CASE"... more...

    Bullshit Bingo

    Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that!

    How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout, "BULLSHIT!!!"

    Strategic Fit
    Gap Analysis
    Best Practice
    Bottom Line

    Out of the Loop

    Think Outside the Box
    Fast Track

    Empower [or] Empowerment
    Knowledge Base
    Total Quality [or] Quality Driven
    Touch Base

    Client Focus[ed]
    Ball Park
    Game Plan

    Testimonials from satisfied players:

    "I had only been in the meeting for five minutes whenI more...

    A Collection of Lawyer Jokes

    An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...

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