Brass Jokes

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    Talking Clock

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    A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
    He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
    What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
    It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
    "Yup", replied the drunk.
    How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
    "Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
    The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
    Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!

    A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
    The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it.
    The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'
    He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
    As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked - the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did - and all the rats drowned.
    He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?'
    'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'

    A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
    The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'
    He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked - the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did - and all the rats drowned.
    He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?'
    'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'

    A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked - the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did - and all the rats drowned.He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?''Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'

    From The Guardian weekly, January 9 1994
    David Rowan presents the Excessively Distorted Language Awards for 1993
    There is Usually a word for it
    Camille Paglia Award for Verbal Pomposity
    To Camille Paglia whose answering machine message goes like this: "You have reached the voicemail line of Professor Camille Paglia. Due to her pressing obligations as a teacher and scholar, Professor Paglia cannot personally return calls. Do not send faxes: Professor Paglia does not accept them. All packages are opened and inspected by the staff. Unsolicited materials without return postage may be automatically discarded. Urgent messges may be left on the tape to be reviewed by the staff. If you do not receive a reply to your letter or call, please assume that Profesor Paglia is not interested in your proposal..."
    Native Californian Political Correctness Award
    RUNNER UP: Santa Cruz city council, which debated a motion to outlaw "lookism", the practice of more...

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