Boob Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    For years and years they told me,
    Be careful of your breasts.
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
    And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings,
    And protected them by law.
    Guarded them very carefully,
    And I always wore my bra.
    After 30 years of astute care,
    My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
    Said I should get a Mammogram.
    "O.K," I said, "let's do it."
    "Stand up here real close" she said,
    (She got my boob in line,)
    "And tell me when it hurts," she said,
    "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
    She stepped upon a pedal,
    I could not believe my eyes!
    A plastic plate came slamming down,
    My hooter's in a vice!
    My skin was stretched and mangled,
    From underneath my chin.
    My poor boob was being squashed,
    To Swedish Pancake thin.
    Excruciating pain I felt,
    Within it's vice-like grip.
    A prisoner in this vicious thing,
    My poor defenseless more...

    Q.What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
    A.We better get some support or people are going to think where nuts.

    For years and years they told me,
    Be careful of your breasts.
    Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
    And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings,
    And protected them by law.
    Guarded them very carefully,
    And I always wore my bra.
    After 30 years of astute care,
    My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
    Said I should get a Mammogram.
    "O.K," I said, "let's do it."
    "Stand up here real close" she said,
    (She got my boob in line),
    "And tell me when it hurts," she said,
    "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
    She stepped upon a pedal,
    I could not believe my eyes!
    A plastic plate came slamming down,
    My hooter's in a vise!
    My skin was stretched and mangled,
    >From underneath my chin.
    My poor boob was being squashed,
    To Swedish Pancake thin.
    Excruciating pain I felt,
    Within it's viselike grip.
    A prisoner in this vicious thing,
    My poor defenseless more...

    For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.
    So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.
    After 30 years of astute care, My doctor found a lump. She ordered up a mammogram, To look inside that bump. "Stand up very close" she said. As she got my boob in line, "And tell me when it hurts" she said. "Ah yes! There, that's fine.
    She stepped upon a pedal. I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate pressed down and down, My boob was in a vise!
    My skin was stretched and stretched, From way up under my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish pancake thin.
    Excruciating pain I felt. Within it's vice-like grip. A prisoner in this viscous thing, My poor defenseless tit!
    "Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, And more...

    Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
    A: Ask your Mom.
    Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's rest room?
    A: Say, "Nice dick."
    Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
    A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
    Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
    A: Only if they don't work.
    Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
    A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts!
    Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
    A: Because they have cotton balls.
    Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
    A: Palm Sunday
    Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
    A: Miracle Whip.

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