Boldly Jokes

Boldly going forward because we cannot find reverse.

A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."

Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."

Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing."

Three men were trying out for the FBI.
The testing agent approached the three men with a gun. He pointed to a door and said, "We have all your wives in that room over there. For you to make it into the FBI, you must each take this gun and shoot your wife."
The first man took the gun, walked boldly into the room, and shut the door. The others listened for gunshots, but heard nothing. A while later, the man came out of the room, crying, "I can't shoot my wife. I love her!"
The second man took the gun, walked boldly into the room, and shut the door behind him. The others again listened for gunshots, but again heard only silence. The man came out, bawling, and said, "I can't shoot my wife! She cooks so well, and I love her so much!"
The third man said, "Gimme the danged gun." He snatched the weapon, and marched in the room. It took no time at all to hear: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
That was followed by all sorts of more...

After first seeing Microsoft’s slogan for its New Windows XP operating system, “it just works, ” I couldn’t help wondering: what were the slogans for all the previous releases? After thinking about it for a while, they became obvious.
Windows 1. 0: Good joke, eh?
Windows 2. 0: Still funny, isn’t it?
Windows 286: Yeah, we’re still kidding.
Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.
Windows 3. 0: It’s finally worth buying!
Windows 3. 1: It’s finally worth using!
Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years.
Windows 98: More usable! Less stable!
Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable!
Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable!
NT 1. 0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!!
NT 2. 0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!!
NT 3. 0: Which part of “more hardware” do you not understand?
NT 3. 5: With enough hardware, I’d work. Honest.
NT 4. 0: Does less than Win98 with twice more...

A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing."