Bmw Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door.
    When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
    The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal."
    So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door.
    The owner asks, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
    The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW..."

    A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

    Not My Beautiful Car!

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    A lawyer parked at the side of the road, and opened the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a speeding car appeared from nowhere, hitting the door and ripping it off of his car. The lawyer was outraged.
    When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer whined, "Officer, look what that person did to my Beemer! You have to find him and arrest him!"
    "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick," the officer snapped. "You're so upset about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off in the accident."
    "Oh my God....", gasped the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody stump where his arm had been. "My Rolex!"

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don''t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don''t know.
    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I''d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn''t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn''s correct number to call her, I found
    that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the' 'wrong'' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You''re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word' 'asshole'' next to it, and put it in my desk more...

    Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "Father's Details," or putting it another way.... Who's yo Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

    1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

    2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

    3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

    4. more...

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