Blessed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Rabbi is walking slowly out of a Shul in New York when a gust of wind blows his hat down the street. He is an old man with a cane and can't walk fast enough to catch his hat. Across the street a man sees what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the Rabbi. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat." the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much." The Rabbi places his hand on his shoulder and says, "May God bless you."
The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50 and sure enough the horse comes in first. In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1 so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. Finally at the end of the day he returns home to his wife who asks him where he's been. He explains how he caught the Rabbi's hat and was more...

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind. The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with,. . . . . "Tuti Homeni, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

Franklin's Rule: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.

(This was sent to me through a friend of a friend - you know the story.)
Jesus took his Disciples up the mountain and, gathering them round him, he taught them, saying:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are the that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who thirst for justice.
Blessed are all the concerned.
Blessed are you when persecuted.
Blessed are you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in Heaven. Try to remember what I'm telling you!"
Then Simon Peter said: "Will this count?"
And Andrew said: "Will we have a test on it?"
And James said: "When do we have to know it for?"
And Philip said: "How many words?"
And Bartholemew said: "Will I have to stand up in front of the others?"
And John said: "The other disciples didn't have to learn more...

Then Jesus took his disciples up on the mountain and gathered them
around him. And he taught them, saying,
"Blessed are the poor in spirit.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are you who thirst for justice.
Blessed are you who are persecuted.
Blessed are you who suffer.
When these things begin to happen, rejoice, for your reward will be
great in Heaven."
And Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And Philip said, "Will this be on the test?"
And John said, Would you repeat that?"
And Andrew said, "John the Baptist's disciples don't have to learn this stuff."
And Matthew said, "Huh?"
And Judas said, "What's this got to do with real life?"
Then one of the Pharisees, an expert in the law, said, "I don't see
any of this in your syllabus. Do you have a lesson Plan? Is there a
summary? Where's the student guide? Will more...

The Pope was finishing his sermon in the Basilica in St. Peters Square in Rome. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tutti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A women's rights group grievously approached the Pope the next day. They pointed out that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed mankind and womankind, and inquired if he could also bless gay people.
The Pope said, "Sure".
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti."