Bishop Jokes / Recent Jokes
There once was a priest, a bishop, and the Pope. They were all at the park and they saw a deep pond. The Pope told the bishop and the priest, "I bet I can walk on water". So he goes to the pond and, amazingly, he walks on water and gets to the other side. Then the bishop tells the priest, "I bet I can walk on water". So the bishop goes to the pond and, amazingly, he walks on water and gets to the other side. The priest is so surprised by all this he decides to give it a shot, so he goes to the pond and he steps on the water but he falls in and gets drenched. On the other side, the Pope is telling the bishop, "Do you think we should've told him about the stepping stones in the pond?"
To enliven your day, here's a joke told by Watergate-weasel-turned-soul-saver Chuck Colson:
In Northern Ireland, a Catholic priest is driving down the road when he slams into another car rounding a curve.
Out of it steps an Anglican Bishop. They apologize all over themselves and determine that neither is seriously hurt. Shaken, the priest goes back to his car and pulls a flask out of the glove compartment, offering it to the bishop.
"I think I will," says the bishop, taking a swig. He offers it back, but the priest declines, saying, "I'll think I'll wait until after the police get here."
Two young women were about to take their final vows to become nuns. The Bishop presiding at the Mass noticed two Rabbis seated at the rear of the sanctuary. The Rabbis had insisted they sit on the right side of the center aisle.
Although he was curious about their presence, the Bishop didn't take the time to ask them why they had come. Instead, he started the ceremony. Afterwards, he went back to where the Rabbis were seated.
"Welcome," the Bishop said. "I'm happy to see you both here. I am a little curious, however, as to why you're present on this occasion where these young women are becoming 'Brides of Christ'."
One of the Rabbis smiled softly, rose to his feet and replied, "We're 'Family of the Groom'."
The Cork born Father O'Connor's reputation for castigating the Brits from
the pulpit was legendary. However, the congregation in his new parish of
Boston, Mass., tired of him lambasting the Brits for the horrors they
inflicted upon the Irish for generations. Ultimately, the Archbishop opted
to send the good father to a small hamlet in the far reaches of Tennessee
where, His Grace said, "The folks know nothing of England and care less. So
Knock off the Brit bashing and you'll better serve Holy Mother Church."Several weeks later, when Father O'Connor stood into the pulpit to deliver
his first sermon to his new congregation, the local Bishop, who knew of
O'Connor's reputation, was in attendance to check up-on him."My dear brethren," Father O'Connor began, "this morning I'd like to talk
about The Last Supper."Not bad, though the Bishop. Safe enough ground."Now, the lesson to be learned from The Last Supper, more...
A Texan preacher wanted to raise some money for his church; hearing that there was a lot of money in horse racing, he decided to purchase horse. However, horses proved to be too expensive for his small budget, so he ended up buying a donkey instead. Figuring he had nothing to lose, the preacher decided to enter the donkey in the horse race, in which, to his astonishment, the donkey came in second place! The next day's headlines in the Daily Racing Form read:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
Encouraged by the donkey's strong beginning, the preacher entered the donkey in the races again. This time the donkey won, inspiring the headline,
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
Meanwhile, the bishop had gotten word of these outrageous headlines and decided that this kind of publicity was not good for his parish. So, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. Next day the headlines read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
Needless to say, the bishop was not more...
A priest is walking along a pier in Rome when he sees a fisherman ready to go out fishing.
He starts a conversation and the fisherman asks if he would like to go fishing with him. The priest says he knows nothing about fishing. The fisherman says he'll explain everything the priest needs to know.
As soon as they get out into deep water, the priest reels in this huge fish. The fisherman looks at the fish and says" Father, that's one big son-of-a-bitch"
The priest looks at the man and says " My son, please refrain from using that kind of language."
The fisherman thinks quick and says" No father, that's what they call this type of fish, a son-of-a-bitch"
The priest, knowing nothing about fishing says" What an interesting name"
When they get back to land, the priest is excited about the fish he caught. He runs to the parish and sees the Bishop in the Chapel.
"Hey Bishop, look at the size of this son-of-a-bitch more...
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and being told there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that the preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher figured, since he bought the animal, he might as well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey did quite well and came in third place. The next day, the racing sheets carried this headline:
Preacher Shows Ass
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again, and this time the animal won first place. The paper said:
Preacher's Ass Out In Front
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this headline:
Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass
This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid more...