Birthdays Jokes / Recent Jokes

"My birthdays coming"Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
7. Crying is blackmail.
8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints more...

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are special days, but not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and golf shots.
5. Sunday=Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
6. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. It will never make an Olympic event (although we could be wrong on that, the way they instituted women's hockey & wrestling)
7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Crying is blackmail.
9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
10. more...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male
side. if you have already read some of these before it wont hurt to read them again.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...