Bird Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jesus is watching you

Hot 1 year ago

A robber breaks into a home and procedes to loot the kitchen of the fine china and such when he hears a voice that says "Jesus is watching you" the robber looks around and doesnt see anybody Next he goes to the bedrooms and continues stealing then he hears the voice again "Jesus is whatching you " now he is starting to get paranoid so he turns on the lights and looks around, he sees a bird in the corner so he goes up to the bird and asks "are you the one saying Jesus is watching you" the bird says yes then asks whats your name the robber says todd the robber says whats your name the bird says milfred . The robber mumbles to himself what kind of person names their bird Milfred? The bird replies the same kind of person theat name their doberman Jesus.

A family had lived in Brooklyn for three years, and their eight-year-old son had attended a Brooklyn public school for the past two years. The people of Brooklyn are renowned for their unusual, if not unique, manner of speaking, and the two years of school had given the young fellow an accent that would be recognizable anywhere in the English-speaking world.
The parents were concerned about this, for they were from Virginia, and did not think it proper that their son should speak in such a manner...excuse me, mannah.
They were well-to-do, so they imported a nanny from their home state, with instructions to Get The Brooklyn Out Of That Boy's Mouth.
Saturday morning, the nanny took the lad for the first of many walks in a nearby park. Hearing a bird making a large ruckus high in a tree, the boy said to the nanny, "Listen to that boid!"
Taking her instructions seriously, the nanny admonished him, "That's not boid, it's bird."
Puzzled, the boy more...

The Perfect Gift!

Hot 5 years ago

A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage."This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate."He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter."The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful."That's fantastic," said the customer."And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing.Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem."Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic."He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now, watch more...

Birds

Hot 6 years ago

One day a lady rushes into the George W. Bushs office. Surprised the president says, Whats the matter? The lady then says, We just got news that the bird flu is spreading, and we need to do something about it! So the same day George Bush makes a live, emergency announcement saying, The bird flu is spreading so I have gathered my troops. We will take war on the Canary Islands in a couple of hours.

Sunbathing in the nude

Hot 7 years ago

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl cam up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird" the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here." The police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" after a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over!

Bird jokes

Hot 4 years ago

Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck `er!

Q: What is a polygon?
A: A dead parrot!

Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?
A: The parrots of Penzance!

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A: A fire Quaker!

Q: What is a parrot`s favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
A: `The pheasants are revolting`!

Q: What is the definition of Robin?
A: A bird who steals!

Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?
A: When they`re going cheap! Q: What do parrots eat?
A: Polyfilla!

Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!

Q: What bird tastes just like butter?
A: A stork!

Q: What`s another name for a clever duck?
A: A wise more...