Billings Jokes

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a more...

Berra`s Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra

Bierman`s Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can`t cover all the "what if`s". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if`s". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if`s".

Billing`s Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings

Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)

Bloom`s Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge`s jokes are always funny.

Blutarsky`s Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not more...

The matchmaker goes to see Mr. Billings, a confirmed bachelor for many years.

"Mr. Billings, you mustn't wait too long. I have exactly the little lady you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr. Billings, "I've got two sisters at home, who look after all my needs."

"That's all well and good," said the matchmaker, "but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said' two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"

A bear walked into a bar and sat down. He banged on the bar with his paw and demanded a beer. The bartender approached and said, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana. ” The bear, becoming angry, once again demanded a beer. The bartender again told him, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana. ” The bear, very angry now, said, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar. ” The bartender once again said, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana. ” The bear went to the end of the bar and, as he had promised, ate the woman. He came back to his seat, and again demanded a beer. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana, that are on drugs. ” The bear said, ” I’m not on drugs. ” The bartender said, “Yes you are. That was a bar bitch you ate. ”

Berra’s Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra
Bierman’s Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can’t cover all the “what if’s”. (2) Lawyers stay in Business resolving all the unresolved “what if’s”. (3) Every resolved “what if” creates two unresolved “what if’s”.
Billing’s Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)
Bloom’s Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge’s jokes are always funny.
Blutarsky’s Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
Bolton’s Law more...