Bill Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: Another lawyer.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A: The vulture eventually lets go.
Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up more...

While sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Abigail opened a letter from home and found a $10 bill inside. As she was reading the letter she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below.
She quickly wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Abigail" on a piece of paper, wrapped it around the $10 bill and dropped it out the window.
The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The following day, Sister Abigail was told that a man was at the door insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without saying a word, he handed her a roll of bills.
Puzzled, she asked, "What's this?"
"That's the 60 bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid five to one!"

Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!!!

Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS? -It is a no spin zone

There are three high school -aged boys walking down the street in Washington,
D.C. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he is about to be hit by
a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life.
Bill says, "Thank you for saving my life. I will grant each of you one wish."
The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown." Bill pulls some strings and
gets the boy admitted.
The second boy says, "I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires a
Congressional appointment." Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and
gets the boy his appointment.
The third boy says, "I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery."
Bill says, "That is an odd request for a 17-year-old!"
The boy says, "Yes, but when my father finds out I saved your life he is going
to kill me!"

Hillary wakes bill in the middle of the night.
Bill: "What's the matter?"
Hillary: "I'm thirsty and I would like a glass of water."
Bill: "Do you seriously think I'm going to get it for you??"
Hillary: "Of course not. I just want you to keep my place empty until I'm back."

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news... there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important more...