Bench Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Cindy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one... a man on the bench across from him said, "You know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Cindy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Cindy answered, "No, he minded his own damn business."

A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it.

Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a park bench with a newspaper on it. Thinking quickly, the gorilla sat down on the bench and held the newspaper in front of him like he was reading it. When the lion turned the corner he stopped at the park bench. Not knowing what was behind the newspaper he asked the reader if he had seen a more...

Dave and Lois, both elderly residents at a retirement home, found that the more time they spent together, the friendlier they got with each other. As time went on, they were really beginning to enjoy each other's company. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, Dave said, "I realize we're both old and can't do much sexually any longer, but if I pulled my penis out, would you hold it?"
Not seeing anything wrong with his request, Lois agreed.
Each day for the next month they would sit on a park bench by the lake and Lois would hold Dave's penis. One day, Dave didn't show up at their regular meeting place. Concerned that something may have happened to him, Lois set out to search for him.
Further down the lake she spotted Dave sitting on a bench with another woman beside him. She quickly walked up to the bench and was shocked to see Dave's penis in the other woman's hand.
Upset, Lois yelled at Dave, "We've been together for a few months now. I more...

A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar. He placed a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer. When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer. When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, "PLAY". The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz. The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse. He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING". The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some 'oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites.A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the drunk man and offered to buy this little outfit that he had. After a bit of negotiating, the drunk man agreed to sell it to the man more...

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of thedivorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:"Im going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the womans about-to-be ex replied: "Thats mightykind of you, judge. Ill try to help her all I can, too."

A son and a father are walking together in a sunday morning, chatting. They enter a park and pass by a big, fat man, on a bench, drooling in his sleep (with his mouth open) and a bag of potato chips on his lap. As they pass by him the son snickers, while the father sighs. They continue walking talking about many things. Eventually, a hot woman in a red dress passes by, the son looks at her with eyes of passion. The father looks at her too.
"Son, don't be fooled by a woman's good looks"
the son looks at his father, ready for a lesson.
"That's your mom 20 years ago"
then he sighs.
"That's your mom now", he says as he looks at the man on the bench.

A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar, sat a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer.
When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer.
When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, “PLAY”.
The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz.
The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse.
He set this mouse on top of the piano and said “SING”.
The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some ‘oldies but goodies’, then all of the current favorites.
A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the man and offered to buy this little outfit that the man had.
After a bit of negotiating, the man drunk more...