Believe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ghost Fun.

Hot 6 years ago

This one I heard from my friend:
There was a man who stopped by a hotel and asked to use the bathroom.
The manager said, "Sure but our bathroom is haunted by a ghost."
The man said, "I'm not afraid of no ghost."
So the man goes into the bathroom and he hears, "I'm the ghost of Willy Winky. I'll lick your balls and eat your weenie."
The man runs out screaming, and the hotel manager shakes his head and yells, "I told you so!"
Another man comes by and says, "Oh crap, I really need to use your bathroom!"
The manager says, "Sure but there's a ghost haunting the bathroom."
The man replies, "I don't believe in ghosts!"
The man goes in the bathroom and hears, "I'm the ghost of Willy Winky. I'll lick your balls and eat your weenie."
The man then runs out screaming.
Then Santa Claus comes in and says, "I really need to use your bathroom."
The manager says, more...

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

Hot 4 years ago

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am George Carlin, a BAD American.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary, be it Democratic or Republican.
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you should do it in English.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John more...

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

What Do you believe in?

Hot 3 years ago

A Toronto, a Waterloo and a Queens student were in an airplane that
crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white
throne. God addresses The Waterloo student first.
"What do you believe in?"
The Waterloo student replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion
engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that
if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and
we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and
sit at my right."
God then addresses the Queen's Student; "Well, I believe in power to the
people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things
and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I
also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come
and sit at my left."
God then more...

Good 'ol Gary Lising

Hot 6 years ago

: Gary Lising (The following was copied without permission from the souvenir progamme of the "The Fabans & Friends - A Grand Reunion!" concert in Manila sometime 1996.) My name is Gary Lising. Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name -- for a disease. I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ. I was already a celebrity even when I was a baby. I weighed 48 pounds when I was born -- but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised. I was the only abortion that lived. I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in our family album. I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby -- I was breastfed by my father. I grew up to be a boy wonder -- everybody always looked at me and wondered. I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B. S. Economics. That explains why up to now I still am poor as ever. I went to the more...

Reincarnation

Hot 4 years ago

Consider the story of the two octogenarians on a park bench. One asks the other: "Do you believe in reincarnation?"
"Well, Joe," replies Harry, "I've never really thought much about it."
"Maybe we ought to start thinking about it," says Joe. "One of us is going to go first. Let's agree that the one who is left behind will come to this park bench every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m., and the one who has departed will find a way of getting a message to him at that time about reincarnation and all those other things that are beyond our ken."
Harry agrees.
One month later, Joe dies peacefully in his sleep. Every week for several months, Harry takes up his station at the park bench at 11:00 a.m.
Then one Wednesday, at the appointed hour, he hears a voice, as though from afar.
"Harry, Harry, can you hear me?" the voice says. "It's Joe."
"Joe, for heaven's sake, what is it more...

The Missing Toupee!

Hot 7 years ago

The Missing Toupee! On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!"This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon.A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him."Excuse me, sir, can I help you?"The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it.I thought I'd found it more...