Beauty Jokes / Recent Jokes
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay more...
To determine YOUR personality. Check the gift you'd most like to get.
Candy
Flowers
A sweet poem
Sex
Dinner/Dancing
Waffle iron
If you answered...
CANDY, It means that...
You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share...
OR
you're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love.
FLOWERS, It means that...
You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture...
OR
you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.
A SWEET POEM, It means that...
You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word...
OR
you're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
SEX, It means that...
You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your more...
"American Beauty and the Beast"
The Beast has a midlife crisis and takes a job at a fast-food restaurant, while the Beauty has an affair with a real-estate tycoon.
"The Straight Love Story"
Ryan O'Neal tragically runs over Ali McGraw while mowing his lawn.
"That Girl, Interrupted"
Marlo Thomas goes to the nuthouse.
"The Talented Mr. Whipple"
An elderly toilet-paper spokes- man goes on a killing spree in Europe, murdering anyone who squeezes the Charmin.
"Soylent Green Mile"
Charlton Heston finds out what prison food is really made of.
"All About My Mummy"
Pedro Almodovar's bittersweet saga about a 3,000-year-old mummy and his struggle to find love in the modern world.
"The Animal House Rules"
A group of frat boys, led by John Belushi, drink too much hard cider and open an abortion clinic, with predictably wacky more...
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, ''Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.''
''My darling,'' he replied, more...
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.
"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan
"I have had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.
"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."
In went Tom Thumb and out he came as more...
The Top 15 Pick-Up Lines Used by William Shakespeare
15>' How about a little Puck?'
14>' Of course,' Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady.'
13>' Et tu, Cutie?'
12>' Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?'
11>' If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?'
10>' Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?'
9>' My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent.'
8>' Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the
evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean.'
7>' Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?'
6>' Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!'
5>' Greetings to you, fair sailor.'
4>' But soft, what light through yonder trousers more...