Beast Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Ugly Beast

    Hot 4 months ago

    I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place. St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature.
    Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this really ugly old thing as penance."
    We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was more...

    Beauty and the beast

    Hot 3 years ago

    Father leaves home for a trip and asks his daughter:-Dear, what would you like me to bring for you as a present from my trip? The daughter replies:-Bring me a beast for my sexual pleasures daddy.
    Father:-But dear! I am your dad! I cannot allow you even to talk to me about this kind of things!
    Daughter:-O-o-o-oK daddy. Then lets go by the long way. Bring me a red rose. :(

    "American Beauty and the Beast"
    The Beast has a midlife crisis and takes a job at a fast-food restaurant, while the Beauty has an affair with a real-estate tycoon.

    "The Straight Love Story"
    Ryan O'Neal tragically runs over Ali McGraw while mowing his lawn.

    "That Girl, Interrupted"
    Marlo Thomas goes to the nuthouse.

    "The Talented Mr. Whipple"
    An elderly toilet-paper spokes- man goes on a killing spree in Europe, murdering anyone who squeezes the Charmin.

    "Soylent Green Mile"
    Charlton Heston finds out what prison food is really made of.

    "All About My Mummy"
    Pedro Almodovar's bittersweet saga about a 3,000-year-old mummy and his struggle to find love in the modern world.

    "The Animal House Rules"
    A group of frat boys, led by John Belushi, drink too much hard cider and open an abortion clinic, with predictably wacky more...

    The number of the Beast
    The Neighbor of The beast
    Across the street from the Beast
    Estimated number of the Beast
    SSN of the Beast
    The number of the High-Performance Beast
    Number of the milliBeast
    The Denominator of the Beast
    The Imaginary Number of the Beast
    The Binary Number of the Beast
    The Hexidecimal Number of the Beast
    The Area Code of the Beast
    The Zip Code of the Beast (somewhere in Chicago)
    The Psychic Beast ($6.66 for 666 seconds - over 18, please)
    MSRP of the Beast
    The price, including sales tax, delivered
    Price, with leather, sun-roof, and radials
    The Wal-mart price of the Beast
    Phillips 666
    The gas the Beast runs best on
    Route 666
    The road the Beast likes best

    OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.
    But did you know that:
    $665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
    $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
    $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and
    replacement soul
    $656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
    6, uh... what
    was that number
    again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
    00666 - Zip code of the Beast
    1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now!
    Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
    Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
    666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
    666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
    6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National
    Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
    i66686 - CPU of the Beast
    666i - BMW of the Beast
    DSM-666 - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
    668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast

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