Basement Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    (From our pastor's sermon on human nature:)
    A father had two little sons, one of whom was an eternal optimist, while
    the other was a perpetual pessimist. One Christmas he decided try to
    temper both of their proclivities: in addition to their standard gifts,
    he told them they'd each get something "chosen especially for you!"
    His plan was to give the pessimist every toy and game he could possibly
    desire, while the optimist would be directed to the basement filled with
    manure.
    On Christmas, after the normal presents were opened, the father sent the
    optimist to the cellar, while leading the pessimist to the room filled
    with presents. After the pessimist opened all the gifts, he turned to
    his father with a sad face and said: "How can I possibly use all these?
    The TV will wear out, the Nintendo will get smashed, and all the other
    toys will be broken!" After a few minutes of listening to such woe, more...

    Blue Collar Guy

    Hot 8 years ago

    On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said "Blue Collar Guy".
    The lawyer, still dressed in his an expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. "I like your hat," he said. "But you're the first plumber I've met who brought a change of clothes to a job." The plumber smiled.
    The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. "I'm almost done down there. I'm going to write up your bill, then I'm going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up."
    The plumber added, "The overalls and hat you asked me about, they're not for me. I'm looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job." The lawyer more...

    SmartHouse

    Hot 3 years ago

    Nov 28, 2005
    Moved in to my new Hermosa Beach house at last. Finally, we live in the
    smartest house in the neighborhood. Everything's networked. The
    cable TV is connected to our phone, which is connected to my
    personal computer, which is connected to the power lines, all the
    appliances and the security system. Everything runs
    off a univeral remote with the friendliest interface I've ever
    used. Programming is a snap. I'm like, totally wired.
    Nov 30
    Hot Stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the
    thermostat and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely
    tweaked the oven a few degress for my pizza. Everthing nice & cozy
    when I arrived. Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
    Dec 3
    Yesterday, the kitchen CRASHED. Freak event. As I opened the
    refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything
    else electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker -
    everything. more...

    You've reached my mom's basement, where I continue to live, despite the fact that I am in my mid-40's.
    I have no life.
    [BEEP]

    Late-breaking news: Federal investigators have revealed that yesterday's
    record drop in the stock market was apparently triggered by two
    high-school students operating out of a basement somewhere in Western
    Pennsylvania. The names of the suspects, both minors, have not been
    released. Arrest warrants have allegedly been issued, but the student
    hackers apparently have not yet been apprehended. A spokesman for the
    FBI refused to comment on the rumor that the two had managed to leave
    the country carrying millions of dollars in cash and gold.
    Just after the close of stock trading on Monday, the Washington Post
    received a call from two individuals who claimed to be the stock market
    "hackers." The callers explained that they have been breaking into the
    computer systems of major brokerage houses for several months,
    "adjusting" the price of various stocks. This was done by telephone,
    using a Macintosh personal computer more...

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