Bartender Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks up to a bartender one night and asked for a beer.
"Certainly, sir. That'd be one cent."
The guy was surprised at the incredible price.
The guy, unable to believe such prices, looked up the menu and ordered a nice juicy T-bone steak with chips, peas and a fried egg.
"Certainly, sir. That'd be five cents including the beer."
The guy couldn't trust the bartender no more and called for the manager.
"The manager's upstairs with my wife."
The guy curiously asked why he was with his wife.
"He do my business, I'll do his."
One day a neutron walks into a bar. The neutron sits down and orders his drink. The drink comes which he drinks and the neutron asks the bartender, "How much do I owe you?" The bartender said, "For you, no charge."
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
Entering a bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I am so pissed off!"
"Really?" What happened?" the bartender asked.
"Well, I met this gorgeous woman and she invited me back to her place.
We stripped off our clothes, jumped into bed and just as we're about to make love her damn husband came in the front door. So, I had to jump out the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!" the man explained.
"Gee, that really is tough!" replied the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me angry," continued the man. "When her husband entered the room, he said, 'Great! You're already naked! Let me just take a leak'. Damned if the lazy bugger doesn't go and piss out the window right onto my head!"
"Yuck! No wonder you're in a lousy mood," said the bartender.
"Yeah, but I still haven't told you what really, really got to more...
A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of Tequila to be set in front of him. When the bartender is done he proceeds to shoot all twelve in a row.
When he sets the last glass done with a heavy sigh, the bartender asks him what that was all about, he replies he was celebrating his first blow job. Then the bartender sets up another glass, and says "Well, for that you can have another on the house!"
But the guy says "No thanks, if the first twelve didn't get the taste out of my mouth, then one more won't help!"
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator."
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hamster. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The hamster stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the hamster's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "He's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he more...