Banquet Jokes

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    Henry is at his bowling banquet and keeps complaining that his dentures are hurting him. The fellow sitting next to him reaches in his pocket and pulls out a set. Handing them to Henry, he says, "Here, give these a try."
    "Thank you, but they're a bit tight," Henry replies, after trying them.
    The fellow pulls out another set and hands them to Henry. They fit perfectly, so Henry wears them for the evening.
    After the banquet, Henry returns them to the fellow and says, "Thanks for the help. They fit me perfectly. Are you a dentist?"
    "No," the fellow replies, "an undertaker!"

    Harry is at a banquet and keeps complaining that his false teeth are hurting him. The guy sitting to his left reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of dentures. He hands them to Harry and says, "Try these."
    Harry tries them, and says, "Thanks anyway, but they're too tight." The guy pulls out another set and hands them to Harry. They fit perfectly, so Harry wears them for the entire night. At the end of the banquet, Harry hands them back to the guy and says, "They fit me perfectly. Are you a dentist?"
    The guy says, "No, I'm an undertaker."

    Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."

    Some people have died in strange ways...here are a few.
    Attila the Hun:
    One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had conquered all of Asia by 450 AD-from Mongolia to the edge of the Russian Empire-by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside.
    How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night
    In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead the next morning.
    Tycho Brahe:
    An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity.
    How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time
    In the 16th century, it was considered more...

    The maitre d'hotel at the Ritz was interviewing waiters for an important society banquet to be held in the hotel that night. There were very few applicants for the jobs and time was running short. One applicant named Angelo, when asked where he had previously worked as a waiter, gave Harry's Hash House as a reference. The maitre d' reluctantly engaged Angelo, with a word of warning to mind his manners, for this is the Ritz.
    During the banquet, after serving the turtle soup, Angelo noticed that the bosom of an attractive young debutante had fallen out of her low-cut gown into her plate of soup. Quick as a flash, Angelo jumped forward, seized the lady's bosom and, after drying it with a table napkin, slipped it back into her gown.
    As he was returning to the kitchen to serve the next course, the maitre d' seized him by the arm and furiously denounced him as a clumsy oaf.
    "But what was I to do?" Angelo cried. "I couldn't very well just leave it out there more...

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