Ballots Jokes

when all through Palm Beach.
Only lawyers were stirring, the blood sucking leech.
The ballots were held to the light with great care,
In hopes that a dot or a dimple'd be there.
The voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
while nightmares of hanging chads danced in their heads.
And Bush back in Austin, and Gore in DC,
Had just rattled the courts over votes absentee.
When out on the beach there arose such a clatter,
The counters stopped counting to see what's the matter.
Away to the shore lawyers flew like a flash,
The out of state protesters started to clash.
When what to our wondering eyes was bestowed,
But Air Force One and eight interns in tow.
What came off the plane gave us all quite a chill,
We knew in a moment ‘twas our buddy Bill.
More buxom than hookers, his courses they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
Now Bambi, Now Suzie! Now Candy and Tasha!
On Cassie! On Dana! On more...

It was two weeks past elections, when all through Palm Beach. Only lawyers were stirring, the blood sucking leech. The ballots were held to the light with great care, in hopes that a dot or a dimpled be there.

The voters were nestled all snug in their beds, while nightmares of pregnant chads danced in their heads. And Bush back in Austin, and Gore in DC, had just rattled the courts over votes absentee.

When out on the beach there arose such a clatter, the counters stopped counting to see whats the matter. Away to the shore lawyers flew like a flash, the out of state protesters started to clash.

When what to our wondering eyes was bestowed, but Air Force One and eight interns in tow. What came off the plane gave us all quite a chill, we knew in a moment twas our buddy Bill.

More buxom than hookers, his courses they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name. Now Bambi, Now Suzie! Now Candy and Tasha! On Cassie! On Dana! On more...

From modernhumorist.com
"One Hollywood exec said he wouldn't be surprised if the movie rights to 'the election of the century' were already being negotiated. 'It's got all the ingredients—a mysterious electoral college, weird tabulating procedures, missing ballots, lawsuits—as well as photogenic lead characters'."
- Variety
Uncountable
Dir. M. Night Shyamalan
In this supernatural thriller from the creator of "The Sixth Sense," an election is not what it seems. Gore (Bruce Willis) is haunted by the memory of losing Palm Beach County by a narrow margin. His son, Al Gore III (Brad Renfro) tells him, "I see missing ballots." An election law expert (Samuel L. Jackson) tries to find the truth. Please do not reveal the surprise ending (Gov. Carnahan is dead!).
How the Grinch Stole the Election
Dir. Ron Howard
Ralph Nader (Abe Vigoda) plots to steal away as many votes as possible from the gentle Gores in Goreville (Tennessee). more...

Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...