Bad Kid Jokes
The brain is a wonderful thing
Why do you say that?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops
until you get asked a question in class!
In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she talks about materials; So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?" Little Steve raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because it is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher nod and called on Jane. Little Jane said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher smiled and then called on little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded by saying, "Because my mom had two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, "Johnny. This is where you come from." Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny." "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd."
' I want you to help me stop my son gambling.' an anxious father said to his boy's principal.' I don't know where he gets it from, but it's bet, bet, bet.'
' Leave it to me,' said the principal. A week later he phoned the boy's father.' I think I've cured him,' he said.
' Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said,' I bet that's a false beard,' How much? I said, and he said $5'
' What happened? ' asked the father.
' Well he tugged my beard which is quite natural and I made him give me $5. I'm sure that'll teach him a lesson!'
' No, it won't,' said the father.'
He bet me $10 on Monday that he'd pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week!'
' William,' shouted his mum.' There were two pieces of cake in the pantry last night and now there's only one. How do you explain that? '
' It was dark in the pantry, mum,' explained William,' and I didn't see the other piece!'