Aviv Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Lucky Frog
    Abe lives in Tel Aviv. One day, he takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. Abe thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron". Abe looks around and doesn`t see anyone.
    "Ribbit. 9 Iron." And then Abe realises that the frog is doing the talking.
    He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the hole. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that`s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." Abe decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
    "What do you think, frog?" Abe asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." Abe takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. Abe is befuddled and doesn`t know what to say. .
    By the end of the day, Abe has golfed the best game of more...

    Retiring from a big corporate job in LA, Marvin moves to Tel Aviv. (So nu, you were thinking maybe he'd move to a kibbutz?)
    Wanting to contribute to nation-building somehow he focuses on stock-trading, the only vocation he knows. But, to commute to his new humble penthouse office, he refuses to drive a Mercedes like everyone else so he buys himself... a camel.
    Every night Marvin parks his camel in the garage under his Tel Aviv Condo and the next morning he mounts the camel for the commute to his new office in Ramat Gan.
    One day Marvin comes down to the parking garage and the camel is gone... stolen!
    He calls the police who arrive within minutes. The first question is "What color was your camel?"
    Marvin replies he doesn't remember, "Probably camel colored I guess... sort of brownish-greyish."
    "And how many humps on your camel?' asks the policeman.
    "Who counts humps... one, maybe two, I don't know for sure."
    "And more...

    The tourist
    A Swiss tourist in Tel Aviv is looking for directions and pulls up at a bus stop where two Israelis are waiting.
    ”Entschuldigung Sie Bitte, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he says.
    The two Israelis just stare at him.
    “Excusey-moi, parlez vous Francais?”
    The two continue to stare.
    “Parlare Italiano?”
    No response.
    “Hablan ustedes Espanol?”
    Still nothing.
    The Swiss tourist drives off, extremely disgusted and frustrated. The first Israeli turns to his friend and says, “You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language…”
    “Why?” says his friend, “that bloke knew four languages and that didn’t do him any good!”

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