Aviation Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.""But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered."But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what the consider a marvelous new game.
Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.
Then, the paper reports: "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."
- Audobon Magazine
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. “Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage? ” she asked.
“No, thanks, ” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion. ”
Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:
Two Cajuns, Rober' and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.
The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.
"Boys," he said, "I'll be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, there's no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you won't be able to take but one out of here."
Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.
On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on more...
Two hunters hire a small plane to take them to a remote area of Canada.
Upon dropping off the hunters, the pilot tells them, "Remember only one
moose, because the plane wouldn't be able to take off with more weight
than that." The hunters go off. A week later when the plane returns to
pick them up the two hunters are standing by the lake with two moose.
The pilot fumes, "I told you guys only one moose, you'll have to leave one
because we won't be able to take off with that much weight." "Oh, c'mon,"
beg the two hunters, "Last year the pilot let us take two moose on, you're
just a chicken."
Not wanting to be accused of being a coward, the pilot allows the two to
bring both moose on the craft. The plane starts across the lake,
straining to take off. The pilot tries and tries to no avail as
they run out of room and the plane crashes into the trees at the end of the
lake. A while later after coming more...
Bush, Jean Chretien, the Pope and an eight year old girl are in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot says that plane has some malfunctions and they have to jump out. There were only three parachutes so Bush grabs one, puts it on and says "I am an important person, the American people depend on me!" and jumped. Jean Chretien picks one up and says "I am an important person, the Canadian people depend on me!" and jumped. The Pope turns to the little girl and says "You jump. I have lived my life!" But the little girl says "We can both jump, Jean Chretien jumped with my backpack!"
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position?
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the more...