Autopsies Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
    2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Fourty-five years.
    5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
    6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 498. Q: And where is milepost 498? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
    7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well.
    8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? more...

    30 things people actually said in courtQuestion1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th Q: What year? A: Every year.Question2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.Question3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten? Question4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: 45 yearsQuestion5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.Question6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximatly milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Question7. Q: Sir, What is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.Question8. Q: Did more...

    Disorder in the Court: a Collection of 'Transquips'
    Collected by Richard Lederer, reprinted in N.H. Business Review
    Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are
    uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with
    language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of
    courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every
    statement made during the proceedings.
    Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand
    Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers
    in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court,
    published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here
    are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America's keepers
    of the word:
    Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
    A. Borofkin.
    Q. What's his first name?
    A. I can't remember.
    Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you more...

    From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth. Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost
    499. Q: And where is more...

    From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Q: Sir, what is your IQ? more...

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