Author Jokes

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    The Legacy

    Hot 2 years ago

    The Smith family was very proud of the fact that their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. As a legacy for their children, they hired a top-notch author to research and write a book about their family history.
    Much to their horror, it was discovered that Great-uncle Clarence had been executed in the electric chair for committing murder. Devastated, they didn't want that to be revealed in the book, but felt that they didn't want Great-uncle Clarence to be omitted either. After voicing their concerns to the author, he assured them that he could handle everything tactfully.
    When the book came out, the section on Great-uncle Clarence read:-
    'Great-uncle Clarence occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a great shock.'

    The World History

    Hot 3 years ago

    [Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
    student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
    genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
    college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
    The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
    Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
    the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
    cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
    created from an more...

    Never Judge a Book by it's Author
    Is O. J. Guilty?... Howard I. Know
    Animal Illnesses... Ann Thrax
    French Overpopulation... Francis Crowded
    Fallen Underwear... Lucy Lastic
    Downpour!... Wayne Dwops
    Cloning... Ima Dubble
    Irish Flooring... Lynn O'Leum
    I Lived in Detroit... Helen Earth
    Inflammation, Please... Arthur Itis
    Handel's Messiah... Ollie Luyah
    House Construction... Bill Jerome Home
    Unemployed... Anita Job
    Off to Market... Tobias A. Pigg
    Holmes Does it Again... Scott Linyard
    Home Alone IV... Eddie Buddyhome
    Lewis Carroll... Alison Wonderland
    Leo Tolstoy... Warren Peace
    The L. A. Lakers Breakfast...Kareem O' Wheat
    Neither a Borrower... Nora Lender Bee
    The French Chef... Sue Flay
    Tight Situation... Leah Tard
    The Scent of a Man... Jim Nasium
    Why Cars Stop... M. T. Tank
    Wind in the Willows... Russell Ingleaves
    Look Younger... Fay Slift
    Mountain Climbing... Andover Hand
    It's more...

    A priest came to a dying author to read him his last rites.
    "Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
    "This is no time to be making enemies," replied the author.

    Proof by example:
    The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general Proof.
    Proof by intimidation:
    Proof by vigorous handwaving:
    Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
    Proof by cumbersome notation:
    Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
    Proof by exhaustion:
    An issue or two of a journal devoted to your Proof is useful.
    Proof by omission:
    'The reader may easily supply the details'
    "The other 253 cases are analogous"
    Proof by obfuscation:
    A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
    Proof by wishful citation:
    The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
    Proof by funding:
    How could three different government agencies be wrong?
    Proof by eminent authority:
    "I saw more...

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