Aussie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sad Sad Australians

Hot 4 years ago

An Aussie student was walking on campus one day when another Aussie rode up on a shiny new bicycle.
'Where did you get such a nice bike?' asked the first.
The second Aussie replied,
'Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."'
The first Aussie nodded approvingly.
'Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted.'

Greedy Kiwi

Hot 3 months ago

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep....." Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them". The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone"

An Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are sitting in a pub, quaffing a few
nut-brown ale. While they're sitting around blankly staring at their mugs,
three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
Suddenly "buzzzplooop," each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different glass.
The Englishman gives a disgusted look at his pint, dips the fly out with a
spoon, flicks it over his shoulder, and drains the glass.
The Aussie notices the fly as he puts the glass to his lips. With a quick puff
he blows the bug out in a cloud of foam, and tosses the beer down in one gulp.
They both look on amazed as the Scotsman carefully grasps the fly by its wings,
gently lifts it and shakes it off. Then he says to the fly in a quiet voice,
"There y'are now laddie, SPIT IT OOOOT!"
Ken.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,
"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.He asks, "And what are those?"The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

A Texas farmer is vacationing in Australia. While there, he meets an Aussie farmer who invites him out to his ranch. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
They walk around the ranch and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
"And what are those?" he asks.
"Don't you have grasshoppers in Texas?" the Aussie replies with an incredulous look.