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    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 7 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    Commercial misfortune

    Hot 1 week ago

    This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
    This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
    "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
    "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
    "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
    "That's easy, Guy," more...

    A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
    This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
    "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.
    The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp, he learned that Bill Gates was indeed, the richest man in the world.
    "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"
    "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
    "That's easy, Guy," more...

    Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
    Anytown USA (Offices around the World)

    FEATURES

    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video Inputs
    Dual Audio Inputs
    Audio Output
    Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
    Auto Search for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Auto Sleep When Not in Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Self Cleaning

    Production Details

    After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
    programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
    inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.

    These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
    pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
    features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
    different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...

    Editor's Note: This is kind of long, and actually considering it's an awful lot like many conversations I've had, not as funny as it might be. But, heck, enjoy it anyhow...

    ----------------

    PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

    WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

    PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

    WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

    PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

    WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

    PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long more...

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