An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.
As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We`re tryin` to get out, but we can`t get the dang tailgate open!"
An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.
The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"
To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"
An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico with Native Americans who told him the Legend of the Maidens.
The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!" Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Naked Auburn Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."
Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa... he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!
Q. What`s the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles
A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I`d like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."
Q. What is the most common line used by an Auburn alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?
Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.
Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they`re afraid of more...
Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!
Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!
Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama fan who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in... He sat through "Closed for the season"!!
Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!
Two Auburn fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I`m cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."