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    Subject: Prospective Employee Assessment

    To: All Managers

    The following guidelines shall be used when hiring new personnel.

    Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

    If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.

    If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

    If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.

    If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

    If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

    If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.

    If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

    If they try to tell you it's not as bad more...

    31. Inform your English class that they need to know FORTRAN and
    code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
    32. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers
    McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question,
    walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
    33. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
    34. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular
    intervals.
    35. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the
    teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
    36. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
    37. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
    38. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten
    minutes.
    39. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams more...

    Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
    Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
    If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
    If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
    If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
    If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
    If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.
    If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
    If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
    If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to more...

    Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
    - If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.
    - If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.
    - If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.
    - If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.
    - If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.
    - If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the help desk.
    - If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.
    - If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.
    - If they are more...

    Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
    If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
    If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
    If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.
    If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
    If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.
    If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.
    If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.
    If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.
    If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
    If they are more...

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