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Hairy Butt

Hot 3 years ago

A lawyer is driving in the middle of nowhere and his car breaks
down. After waiting a while, a farmer comes along and asks what
the problem is. Discovering what the problem is, the farmer
offers his home to the lawyer to stay for the night.
Later that night, the lawyer is asleep, and the farmer's wife
comes in his room and wants to have sex with him. The lawyer
says, "No, you're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife
replies, "My husband is a heavy sleeper he won't wake up, I
promise." To prove it, she takes the lawyer into her room where
her husband is butt-naked and tells him to pull one of the hairs
on his ass. The lawyer does it and the farmer doesn't wake up.
Then they go back to the room and have sex. About 2 hours later,
the wife comes back and wants more. The lawyer says once again
"You're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife says, "I
already told you, he's a more...

Son: Pop... what is the Ramayan stuff that all my friends in school talk about..

Pop: So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or reserve or somethin'.

Since he was going, for like, somethin' like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his bro along. You know... so that they could all chill out together. But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.

But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts, bows and arrows, so it was fine. But then some bad boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were our man, and his bro Lakshman, pissed! And you don't piss this son-of-a-gunz' coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with more...

The Naughty Night Before ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out more...

Yo mama's so fat - Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo. - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!" - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance. - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down more...

A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning. The clerk says, "We don't call' em roosters, we call' em cocks." "Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm." "We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk." "Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home." "We don't call' em mules, we call' em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear." So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops. The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"

Little Johnny's mother was cleaning one weekend and found this letter that
he had sent to Santa the previous year, when they were living in California:


Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well,
I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the
beginning of the month. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair
of roller blades and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the
whole year, not only was I the first in my class but I had the best grades in
the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you Santa, there were no kid in the
neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers,
my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the
elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for
humanity!

What balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a more...

Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
instead of "Thanks Santa", what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. ..
The elves want more money, the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
the assholes from the IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes- if that ain't damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And the kids these days, they are all the pits.
They want the impossible, those mean little shits.
I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds,
assembling dolls... their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo-yo's no request for more...