Application Jokes / Recent Jokes

I am accepting applications for "Long Term Booty Call with sentimental value"

JIFFY CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrouser, NC 22269
Dear Sir,
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your recent application
to model and represent our product, Jiffy Condoms.
Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our
Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product does not portray
a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy wrinkled condom is
not considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to firm it up using Poly-Grip, but even
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like
to note however, that we have never seen a penis that looked like a bicycle
grip until now.
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will
retain your application for future consideration, if by the chance we decide
that there is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms.
We send greetings and our deepest sympathy to your wife more...

Real Programmers don't eat quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke and palate scorching Szechwan food.
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and harder to modify.
Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simpletons who can't read listings or the object code from the dump.
Real Programmers scorn Floating Point Arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."
Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working order in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.
Real Programmers don't write application programs. They program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for the dullards who can't do systems programming.
Real Programmers more...

your momma is so fat, she has more chins than the hong kong phone book.
your momma is so big, when she went to the airport and told them she wanted to fly, they stamped goodyear on her ass and put her on a runway.
your momma is so fat, she uses a vcr as a beeper.
your momma is so fat, she influences the tide.
Your mother is so stupid, on her application under education she put HOOKED ON PHONICS
your momma is so stupid, she failed a blood test.
your momma is so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
your momma is so old, she proof read the ten commandments.
your momma is so stupid, on here application under sex, she put twice a week.
your momma is so dumb, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 miniutes.
your mommas so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on the soul train.
your momma is so dumb, she got fired from the M & M's factory for throwing away all the W's.

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application.
As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."
"Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application.As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held."I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that.""Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

A young man had gone to apply for a job. After completing all the application forms, he sat and waited anxiously for the outcome. After reviewing his forms, the woman from HR called him into her office.
"We do have an opening for people like you," she said.
"Fantastic," he replied. "What is it?"
"It, is called the door!"