Appliance Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man walked into an appliance store and asked the price of a 25" remote controlled color television set. "One dollar," the clerk replied. "You've got to be kidding." "Look, Mac," the clerk said, "do you want it or not?" Of course, the customer gave him a dollar. On the way out with his incredible bargain, the suctomer saw a big frost-free refrigerator with automatic ice maker. "How much for that?" he asked the clerk. "Fifty cents," came the reply. The customer forked over the half dollar, saying, "What the heck is going on here?" "Nothing is goining on here," the clerk snapped. "But my boss is at my house with my wife. And what he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business."

    When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

    If you introduce your wife as " This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it "
    If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
    If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
    If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
    If Dilbert is your hero
    If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
    If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
    If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
    If your wrist watch has more computing power than a Pentium Pro
    If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
    If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
    If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
    If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
    If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be more...

    Allegedly a letter to the Home Economist:

    SIR:

    Mr. Gates' arguments may also be applied to the electricity utility business. If I were the head of Gates Gas & Electric, the first thing I would do is declare that we sell energy systems, not power, and that customers tell us that they want a familiar energy environment wherever they go

    The first step would be to integrate a smart fridge into the overall energy system as it is the first appliance opened by most users and real-time monitoring of beer temperature increases satisfaction with the energy environment for 78% of all customers

    Customers would be free to use other fridges, even making someone else's their default appliance. However, if they try to remove the Gas & Electric fridge their television and air conditioner might not function properly. When a circuit fails in an older home we would repair it with a' service pack' that also installs our fridge, eventually introducing all more...

    1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
    You go out to buy her flowers: +5
    But return with beer: -5
    You check out a suspicious noise at night: You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a six iron: +10 It's her cat: -10

    2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
    You stay by her side the entire party: 0
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
    Named Tiffany: -4
    Tiffany is a dancer: -6
    Tiffany has implants: -8

    3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
    You visit her parents: +1
    You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
    You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 And the television is off: -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear:-6 And you didn't even go to college: -10 And it's not really your underwear: -15

    4) HER BIRTHDAY-
    You take her out to dinner: 0
    You take her more...

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